by Kelly Beischel PhD, RN, CNE
Teachers are everywhere.
One doesn’t need a doctoral degree to acquire wisdom nor dispense it.
And for certain, some of the most important life lessons are taught outside of classrooms. Let me tell you about some important lessons I’ve learned from an extraordinary person, a teacher about life.
I’ve had a thing about getting older.
If I’m being honest, some have called it an obsession. In fact, there are periods of my life when the fear of aging led my mind down dark alleys. Thankfully, I’m beginning to acknowledge that aging isn’t always a bad thing. I’m learning to embrace it.
I tell you this because I’ve just come home from my sister-in-law, Teresa’s funeral. She was a person who lived vibrantly and taught me much. Over the last 20 years, we marveled about being married to Beischel men, told stories about our children, sought advice from one another and laughed about our ever-changing hairstyles – color and all.
My heart is heavy.
I’ve lost the mother of my beautiful nieces, the wife of my gentle brother-in-law, and the aunt who was ever-ready to laugh with my children. Teresa was just 53 years young.
I can’t help but reflect on what I’ve learned from having known and loved this woman.
1. INDIVIDUAL
Teresa was not worried about what others thought. She encouraged me to be my own person; no apologies accepted.
2. BE
She knew how to BE present. She taught me to drop the hurriedness and just BE, to take in what’s in front of me. Admittedly, I’m still working on this each day.
3. HOPE
She fought the good fight and hope was the catalyst. I will carry this torch and instill hope in others.
4. PROMPTS
I don’t know about you but I’m often prompted, from within, to act. It may be a strong, even overwhelming feeling and yet I choose to ignore it. You can’t afford to dismiss these promptings; instead, lean in to them and take action. This time I did just that. I listened, leaned in, took action; it made all the difference.
5. PLAN
In the midst of busy-ness, weeks can slip past without notice. It’s important to make plans to develop relationships. The plan may just be a reminder in your calendar to make a phone call. I will be forever grateful that I created reminders in my planner, reminders to tell her she was loved.
6. CALL
It’s okay to call a person who’s dying. I was afraid of bothering her, afraid of waking her. When I told Teresa my worries, she said “Call me whenever you want to talk and I’ll answer if I can.”
The week before she died, Teresa returned one of my phone calls and said, somewhat breathless, “It’s good to hear your voice, even if it’s on voice mail.”
7. COMFORT
There are times in a nursing career when your skills at inserting an IV or palpating pulses are meaningless, when offering comfort, a hug, a touch, an ear, or your presence is everything. I teach my students that these gestures can be the most useful of tools in a nurse’s toolbox.
Suddenly turning 50 this month doesn’t seem so bad.
To honor Teresa I’m embracing my age as opposed to cringing at the thought. I’m exercising with a grateful heart for a strong and healthy body. I’m re-dedicating myself to my marriage in honor of Teresa and Chuck who’ve missed out on the opportunity to grow old together.
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steve rolfes says
Kelly thanks for writing this. I have always told people that the only people you have are family and in laws and cousins and after reading this everyone has a big family to fall back on. Take care because when Ally was little and at the hospital I knew I had someone there to take care of her because you were an angel to her and her family.
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